TOXIC LANGUAGE

Bullying is a social cancer, and Toxic Language is the way it spreads.

Before the fists start flying, words are used to deliver the punch. Before the fistfight, you have language that hurts; you have Toxic Language.

We’re taught to ignore verbal attacks. Do you remember saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me”? You said it after someone called you a name, but it didn’t stop them from calling you a name again.

When the Toxic Language is accidental — like a slip-of-the-lip — ignoring it is often a good way to handle the situation.

But when the Toxic Language is deliberate — as Verbal Abuse and Verbal Violence are — ignoring the attack signals to the attacker that you’re weak and can’t respond, not as a sign of the strength it takes you to ignore what they’ve said.

Just as ignoring a verbal attack is usually not the best way to handle things, attacking back is not a good idea, even though it may feel that way. Nor is turning and walking away a good idea.

Please notice the three typical responses to a verbal attack: (1) ignore it, (2) attack back, and (3) walk away. This is the freeze–fight–or–flight response. Toxic language triggers the stress response; that’s why it’s toxic. It causes us to react instinctively to the attack, instead of thinking our response through. It causes us to focus on the attack instead of the main topic of discussion. It puts us on the defensive.

Being able to deal with Toxic Language without getting into fights is why I developed FistFree Language™, and it works.