The Other Side of Love: Handling Anger in a Godly Way
by Gary Chapman

Recommended for:
- understanding what anger is all about so that you can handle it better
- understanding how to turn the energy from anger into constructive action
- understanding how to deal with a person who is angry

Anger is categorized as a positively valenced — that is, an emotion that is directed outward as opposed to inward. That doesn’t make sense unless you have read Dr. Chapman’s book.

Dr. Chapman starts from the observation that “Anger is the emotion that arises whenever we encounter what we perceive to be wrong.” (at p. 21) Dr. Richard Lazarus would say that was the core relational theme of anger.

Dr. Chapman recommends that when you are angry, (1) admit that you’re angry, (2) examine your anger, (3) confess wrongdoing to God and accept his forgiveness, (4) choose to forgive yourself, and (5) focus on positive action.

When you are dealing with someone who is angry, (1) listen, (2) listen, (3) listen, (4) seek to understand their plight, (5) let them know you understand where they’re coming from, (6) give them additional information they may need and might not have, and (6) if you have caused or help to cause their anger, tell them that and make the situation right.

While you may not agree with everything Dr. Chapman says or recommends, the underlying principles are sound. The Other Side of Love is a very useful book for anyone who gets angry or who has to deal with people who get angry.

About the author:
Dr. Gary Chapman is Senior Associate Pastor of Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. He is a pastor, author and speaker, focussing on marriage, family, and relationships. His website can be found at http://www.garychapman.org.

Published by Moody Press, Chicago in 1999
ISBN 0-8024-6777-6

Review by Anne E. McTavish